


heart full of gay

by bezziemates



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, it's all just gay, the whole thing is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bezziemates/pseuds/bezziemates
Summary: “You just… you make me feel very gay,” Kara says, smiling.Lena, for her part, sits unmoving. She blinks a few times; the rest of her body, however, is frozen in place, hand holding her pen in the air and all. After a few moments of silence, she finally speaks, “What?”(In which Kara thinks there's no other definition for 'gay' besides 'happy')





	heart full of gay

**Author's Note:**

> (please excuse any mistakes, I keysmash and suck at proofreading.)
> 
> this is so stupid but I had this idea and I just had to write it down.
> 
> I'm not sorry.

Kara’s never really believed in horoscopes. They’re fun to read, and sometimes they ring just a little true, but she’ll never live by it. She’d only heard of it from Winn, who loves reading about these kinds of things. Alex calls them a waste of time, but Winn never backs down, and constantly argues that horoscopes make everyone’s life better. In an attempt to prove his point, he downloaded a daily horoscope app on Kara’s phone, and told her to read her horoscope every day.

Kara has a few ‘birthday’s. One of them is her real birthday, the other is the day she landed on earth. It’s not like she’ll get into the semantics just for the horoscope app, but Winn vehemently insists that she’s a Virgo, because her birth date on Krypton was the twenty-second of September. She still remembers how incredulous he was when she had brought the notion up, “Who cares when you landed here? You were like, twelve already.” Then he tutted, and she was a named Virgo, but Winslow Schott himself.

Now, she checks her horoscope every day, if only because it’s become a habit. When she wakes up, there’ll be a notification on her lock screen about her horoscope, and when the app was first downloaded on her phone, she did it mostly to humor Winn. Now, it’s just become second nature to her to check her horoscope first thing in the morning, because what harm does it do, right?

_Show your loved ones how much you appreciate them._

She grins at her horoscope for today. “That’s easy, I can do that,” she mumbles to herself while munching on her pancakes.

 _A Christmas Fantasy Parade_ is playing from her phone – she’s loved it ever since she first heard it playing in Disneyland.

She pays just a little more attention to the lyrics, wanting to immerse herself in the song, until she hears one specific line.

_Hearts are gay and merry, and full of yuletide cheer!_

She remembers Alex telling her a few times, about the word ‘gay’. She always said, “I’m just very gay.” She said it a lot, especially when she was talking about Maggie. Kara doesn’t remember what it actually means, so she decides to Google it – it’s always good to learn something new every day.

**‘Gay’: happily excited, keenly alive and exuberant**

The moment she sees those words, she locks her phone and grins. “What a convenient word to learn today,” she says to herself. She could use to it show her appreciation for her loved ones – tell them how happy they make her.

It makes sense, too; Alex is always happily excited around Maggie. That’s why she always says that she’s so gay.

Kara smiles, ready to start what she hopes will be a wonderful day.

//

When Kara drops by Lena’s office holding a bag of donuts, the sun is shining beautifully through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and Kara can’t help but smile at how ethereal Lena looks. It’s almost as if she’s glowing, and the illusion is made even more life-like because of the light.

Lena looks up from the papers on her desk as Kara walks in, and a radiant smile immediately makes its way onto her face.

“Kara, hi!” Lena exclaims, and she gets up from her seat to give Kara a brief hug. Kara returns it enthusiastically, smiling as Lena sits back down in her chair.

“Hi, Lena! How are you?” Kara asks, coming to stand in front of Lena’s desk, still holding the box of donuts.

Lena grins. “I’m good, and you seem as much of a ray of sunshine as you usually are, so I assume you’re well, too?” Lena asks, and Kara smiles, laughing a little. “To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from my favorite person?” Lena continues, raising a playful eyebrow.

Kara laughs, cheeks flushing from the underhanded compliment. “Oh, I just thought I’d come over and bring you some lunch, seeing as you usually skip it,” Kara replies, raising a knowing eyebrow.

Lena looks away, biting back a smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kara’s smile grows. “Sure you don’t. Now, I brought a box of nothing but sugary goodness for you. I bought a lot of donuts, and I can’t finish them by myself. Care to have some as well?” she asks, opening the box and gesturing for Lena to take one.

Lena raises an eyebrow. “You, not being able to finish anything?” she asks, incredulous yet teasing at the same time. “I’d think Supergirl needs the calories and sugar more than I do.”

“Well, you save the city a lot, too, so you’ll need the energy to keep being so fantastic,” Kara retorts, picking up a donut and munching on it.

Small patches of pink appear on Lena’s cheeks, and her lips curve into a small smile. Before she can say anything, Jess knocks on the door, then comes in, holding a few sheets of paper.

“Sorry for the interruption, Ms. Luthor. These documents need to be signed as soon as possible, so that the team working in the lab can carry out their work. These are the approval forms,” Jess says, placing them on Lena’s desk.

“Alright, thank you, Jess. I’ll give them to the lab later, you may go back to work,” Lena replies, smiling gratefully at Jess.

Jess nods, smiling a little, then leaves without a word.

“I’m sorry, seems like there’s always something that needs to be done,” Lena says, smiling apologetically at Kara. “I’ll just read over these while we talk, is that okay?”

Kara nods vigorously. “Yes, that’s totally fine! You don’t have to apologize for doing your job, Lena. You’re amazing at handling things, I like seeing you in action.”

Lena tilts her head, staring at Kara. After a few moments, she picks up her pen and starts reading the first page of the approval form. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but is there a reason for all the compliments you’re giving me today?” Lena asks, her tone light and pleased.

“I give you compliments all the time!” Kara protests, and Lena nods along, humming, as though to say ‘whatever floats your boat’. Kara pouts, then remembers Lena’s original question. “Well, Winn made me download this daily horoscope app, and today it told me to show my loved ones how much I appreciate them. Horoscopes aren’t all that reliable, but I thought it’d be fun, so here I am.”

Lena looks up at Kara, smiling. “That’s very nice of you, Kara,” she says sincerely, signing the first page of the document on her desk. “I’m honored to be worthy of that in your eyes.”

Kara frowns. “Of course you are! I’m very grateful to have you in my life, really. Coming to your office that first day with Clark, it was a little intimidating, I admit, but I think we’ve become very good friends since then. You’re even coming to game nights now, and you beat everyone, but we all love you too much to kick you out,” she rambles on. “You just… you make me feel very gay,” Kara says, smiling.

Lena, for her part, sits unmoving. She blinks a few times; the rest of her body, however, is frozen in place, hand holding her pen in the air and all. After a few moments of silence, she finally speaks, “What?”

“You make me feel so gay!” Kara exclaims, grinning. She takes another happy bite into what is now her fourth donut. “There’s no other way to put it. Every part of me is just so gay when you’re around, and all I can feel around you is gay. I mean, sometimes we have slight disagreements, like the alien detection device and all that jazz, but even then, you’re always so mature about it and so nice and insightful, and we always make up in the end. You make me very gay,” Kara says endearingly.

Lena doesn’t say anything for another few moments, and Kara sits there, smiling at her. “I make you feel gay,” she repeats, clearly confused.

“Yes, very gay!” Kara exclaims, nodding.

Lena smiles slowly. “I’m glad I make you feel that way, then.”

“I’m glad, too!” Kara says happily. “You make me so gay, Lena, and I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much gayness you make me feel. Like, you make me feel gay without even trying! And I really appreciate you.”

There’s a knock on the office door once again, and Jess opens it, walking in. “Ms. Luthor, I’m so sorry to keep interrupting, but the board members have been asking about where you are,” she says apologetically.

Lena looks at the clock, eyes widening a little. “Tell them I’ll be there soon, thank you again, Jess.”

Jess smiles. “No problem, Ms. Luthor.” She smiles at Kara, too, waving at her. Kara waves back cheerily, having made friends with the assistant after visiting Lena so many times.

When Jess walks out, Lena stands up from her desk. Kara stands as well, knowing she has to go. “Kara, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time. I have a meeting now, and I know it’s very rude to go, especially after... everything you said,” Lena says, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Oh, it’s alright!” Kara assures. “Do you want to come over and watch a movie tonight? We can talk more later,” she suggests with a smile.

Lena smiles in return, nodding. “I’d love to.” She walks over to where Kara is standing, then leans up to press a lingering kiss to Kara’s cheek. “See you later,” Lena whispers, cheeks slightly red and a small smile on her face as she turns around and walks away.

Kara stands rooted to the spot, hand coming up to her cheek, where Lena’s lips had just been.

Rao, she has to tell Alex.

//

“Alex!” Kara shouts as she bolts through her sister’s apartment window. “Oh Rao, I’m so sorry!” she slaps a hand over her eyes when she sees Maggie and Alex horizontal on the couch.

“Kara?” Alex asks, confused. Kara hears a sigh from Alex, and a chuckle from Maggie. “You can uncover your eyes, we’re still clothed.”

“Oh!” Kara exclaims, blushing in embarrassment. “Well, I’m sorry for interrupting your,” she gestures wildly in their direction, “business. Don’t need to see that, _ever_ again,” she mutters the last part under her breath. She moves to sit on the one-seater couch adjacent to the bigger one that Alex and Maggie are sitting on.

“It’s fine, little Danvers,” Maggie assures. “What brings you here?”

“I just went to visit Lena with a box of donuts,” Kara says, grinning dopily at the memory of what had transpired just a few minutes ago.

“Uh huh,” Alex says cautiously, raising an eyebrow at the dazed look on Kara’s face. “What’s that look on your face about?”

“What look?” Kara asks.

“ _That_ look!” Alex exclaims, waving her hands around. “What happened at Lena’s office? Do I need to kill anyone?”

“No, of course not!” Kara assures, shaking her head. “She… she kissed me.” When she sees Alex’s wide-eyed look, she rushes to add, “On the cheek! She kissed me on the cheek.”

Maggie whistles. “Get some, little Danvers!”

Alex slaps Maggie on the thigh, and Maggie yelps, rubbing the spot that Alex had slapped. Alex, unfazed, looks at Kara. “Lena kissed you on the cheek?” she asks. Kara nods enthusiastically. “What happened? What did you do to prompt that?” she questions, curious.

“I didn’t do anything,” Kara says, shrugging. “I brought her donuts, visited her like always. Well, this morning, my horoscope told me to show my loved ones how much I appreciate them. So I went to her office, and I did just that.”

“What did you say to her?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I told her how gay she makes me feel,” Kara says casually.

Maggie bursts into laughter while Alex frowns in confusion. Kara looks between them, puzzled, and doesn’t say anything. She opts to wait for a reply instead, and while she waits, she wonders why Maggie is laughing so hard, and why Alex looks like she’s about to kill herself.

Alex’s face dawns with something that looks like realization, and moves her hand up to massage her temples. Maggie is still laughing, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Kara,” Alex mutters, sighing. “You. Told Lena. How gay she makes you feel,” she repeats.

Kara nods. “Yes, I did. It’s true!”

“Tell me, little Danvers,” Maggie says, still laughing a little. “What do you think ‘gay’ means?” she asks.

Kara frowns. “Doesn’t it mean ‘happily excited’? And something about being exuberant, but I forgot that one. I just know it means ‘happy’, basically,” she replies.

Maggie laughs even harder, and Alex looks up to the sky, as though praying. For what, Kara doesn’t know. She just stares on in confusion as Maggie wipes more tears from her eyes, and Alex takes a deep breath, almost like she’s meditating.

“Kara,” Alex says, taking another deep breath. “The word ‘gay’ isn’t normally associated with the definition you think it’s associated with.”

Kara frowns, even more confused. “But it’s on the dictionary! And you say it all the time! You always tell me that you’re very gay, especially when you’re talking about Maggie. And she makes you happy, right?”

“Well, ‘happy’ is a definition for the word ‘gay’. You’re not wrong on that account,” Alex says, nodding and ignoring Maggie’s teasing pokes on her face from Kara’s words. “But it’s quite an outdated definition. Where did you hear this?”

“I was playing _A Christmas Fantasy Parade_ this morning, and there was a lyric: _hearts are gay and merry, and full of yuletide cheer!_ ” Kara sings, smiling. “And I decided to search up the definition, because I remembered you kept talking about being ‘gay’ and I wanted to know what it meant. The first thing I saw was ‘happily excited’.”

Maggie already has her phone out by the time Kara finishes her sentence, and she looks at the screen. “Well, little Danvers, you’re not wrong,” she admits, shrugging. “The first definition here is ‘happily excited’. But did you read the definitions below that?”

Kara smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. “Ah,” she squeaks. “No?” she says, and it comes out as more of a question than a statement.

“To put it simply, ‘gay’ means homosexual,” Alex says, looking at Kara. Maggie nods, showing Kara her phone, and when Kara reads all the definitions, her eyes widen.

“Oh Rao,” Kara whispers, mortified. “So… I told Lena that…”

“Yup. She probably thinks you’re, like, madly in love with her,” Maggie says, nodding.

Alex nods slowly. “Well, that’s a harsh way to put it, but yes. She probably thinks that you have feelings for her. Saying that someone makes you feel very gay, especially when they’re of the same gender as you, will probably come across as the ‘homosexual’ definition and not the ‘happily excited’ one,” she says, pursing her lips.

“Oh Rao,” Kara repeats, closing her eyes and falling back into the couch. She covers her face with both her hands, groaning.

“Hey, come on, little Danvers, it’s not so bad,” Maggie says, and Kara can hear her smiling a little. “Let’s all admit, you’ve got it bad for Lena.”

Kara takes her hands away from her face. “I mean, yeah... but I didn’t want her to find out this way,” she says, pouting. “I didn’t even know ‘gay’ had that meaning.”

“I’m not surprised, honestly. Sometimes, you say things like ‘beat around the tree’ and ‘kill two cats with one stone’,” Maggie says, an amused smile on her face. “Earthly phrases and words probably aren’t your thing, let alone slang.”

Kara lets out something similar to an anguished cry.

“Kara, it’s alright,” Alex assures. “Really. I mean, maybe this wasn’t the best way for Lena to find out, but she _did_ kiss you on the cheek. Actually, I’m surprised you’re even here. I’d have thought she’d want to keep you for the rest of the day.”

“She had a meeting she forgot about. She kissed me right before she left.” Kara’s hand comes up to her cheek again, the ghost of Lena’s lips still lingering. There’s a pause before Kara speaks again. “No wonder she said something about it being rude to leave after everything I said. She must have thought I was confessing to her,” Kara says, sighing. “I invited her over to watch a movie later tonight, so I’ll be seeing her then.”

“Ah, then you can clear up the misunderstanding!” Maggie says, grinning. “Honestly, little Danvers, the circumstances don’t look too good right now, but judging from Lena’s actions earlier and the way she looks at you, like, twenty-four-seven, I’d say she’s got it bad for you too.”

“Wait, what? How does she look at me?” Kara asks.

“Like you hung the damn moon and the stars in the sky,” Maggie says, like she's pointing out the obvious. “It’s okay if you didn’t notice.”

Kara frowns. “She doesn’t do that, I’ve never seen her look at me like that.”

Maggie chuckles. “Well, you can find out how she feels about you later tonight, then.”

Alex nods. “Kara, don’t panic too much. If Lena really cares about you, she won’t want to hurt you in any way. Whatever happens, you’ll be alright.”

Kara blows out a breath, then falls back into the couch again.

She sincerely hopes Alex is right.

//

Kara spends the next few hours sizing herself up, and preparing herself for every possible outcome of tonight. She tries to write her article, but can’t focus on anything except Lena, and eventually just sits on the couch, praying and asking Rao to have mercy on her.

“I’ve been so good,” she mumbles to the sky, eyes closed. “Well, fairly good,” she corrects. “Please don’t make me die of embarrassment. Please have mercy on my poor soul,” she pleads, then flops backwards into the couch and sighs.

Before she knows it, there are footsteps in the hall, and a familiar heartbeat enters her ears. Kara’s heart is pounding like it’s never pounded before, and she moves to the door, opening it before Lena can even knock. When she opens it, Lena is standing at the doorway, hand halfway up, as though about to knock, and she’s the definition of beauty.

 _Just like how ‘homosexual’ is the definition of ‘gay’,_ Kara thinks bitterly.

“Kara!” Lena exclaims happily, smiling. “Hi,” she says, almost bashfully.

“Hi,” Kara says nervously, but she smiles nonetheless, unable to prevent a smile from making its way onto her face at the sight of Lena. She moves to the couch, and Lena follows, sitting down beside her. “How was work after I left?” Kara asks, trying to make small talk. And stall. But that part doesn’t matter.

“Boring, without you there,” Lena admits. She smiles brightly at Kara. “But more productive. You’re truly a distraction.” Kara’s about to apologize, but Lena seems to notice it, and continues, “The best kind, though. I’d rather talk to you all day than attend board meetings and settle paperwork.”

Kara smiles, but there’s an edge to it. Rao, she can’t get the whole ‘gay’ thing out of her head. “I’ll take that as a compliment, then,” she replies.

“Oh, don’t worry, it is,” Lena assures, grinning. Her eyes are twinkling, with what Kara doesn’t know, but the green in her irises is brighter than usual, and Kara is enraptured.

“Look, Lena,” Kara starts, running a hand through her hair. She has to say it, and just get it over with, because she’ll have to say it eventually, anyway, and there’s no better time than now to clear up the misunderstanding. “Earlier, about what I said,” she says, fiddling with her hands in her lap.

Lena seems to sense Kara’s nervousness, because she places a hand on Kara’s. “Is everything okay?” she asks. She sounds concerned, all teasing tones gone, and Kara falls just a little more in love.

“Yes,” Kara assures, nodding. “Well, I need to tell you something.” Kara pauses. Lena stays silent, waiting for Kara to form her sentences. “About the whole ‘gay’ thing. I, uh, see, I have this problem with earthly terms. Phrases, words, slang… you name it, and at times, I tend to misuse or misunderstand them. Sometimes I say ‘beat around the tree’, or ‘kill two cats with one stone’, and so on,” she admits.

Lena seems to understand. Kara feels like taking everything back, because the sparkle in Lena’s eyes dies a little. Lena doesn’t say anything, though – she just nods wordlessly, waiting for Kara to continue.

“I didn’t know that there was another definition for ‘gay’ besides ‘happily excited’,” Kara says, sighing. She’s disappointed in herself, for being so stupid, and now Lena looks kind of sad, and Kara feels like an idiot. “I may have come across in a different way than what I intended.”

“It’s okay,” Lena assures. There’s a smile on her face, but it looks forced. “I think it’s quite adorable that you misuse or misunderstand certain terms,” she says, and her voice is a little lighter this time. She sounds honest, and Kara exhales shakily.

“Thank you,” Kara says. “I... actually have something else to tell you, as well.”

Lena nods, a gesture for her to continue.

“What I said; you _do_ make me very happy, Lena. And this wasn’t the way I wanted you to find out about… all of this,” Kara says, gesturing randomly. “Although I didn’t know the other meaning of ‘gay’ when I was talking to you earlier today, what I said was still true. With respect to both definitions.”

Lena’s eyes widen ever so slightly, but it’s barely noticeable. Her head tilts a little. “Just to avoid more misunderstanding,” Lena says slowly. “I’m going to need you to be a little clearer.”

Kara laughs a little. “Lena,” she says, and she takes Lena’s hands in her own. “I love you.”

Lena smiles. The sparkle in her eyes is brighter than it was when she came in, and it makes Kara smile as well, unable to hold back her own happiness at seeing Lena so happy. “Well, I don't know if you've already noticed it by now, but,” she says, grinning. “I love you too.”

Kara’s smile grows, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You make me very happy. And very gay.”

Lena beams. “You make me very happy, too. And very gay.”

And the rest of the world disappears as Kara closes the gap between them, her lips pressing to Lena’s.

//

Later, when they’re watching a movie, Kara’s arm around Lena’s waist and almost no space between them, Kara doesn’t pay attention to the screen.

Lena turns, finding Kara’s eyes already on her. “What?” she asks, smiling.

Kara can’t help but smile back. “You’re beautiful.”

“You’re a cheeseball,” Lena returns, grinning.

“You love it.”

Lena smiles. “I do.” After a pause, she speaks again. “I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much gayness you make me feel,” she adds teasingly.

Kara’s jaw drops. “You’re mean,” she says, pouting.

Lena kisses the pout away. “I love you, Kara Zor-El.”

Kara grins goofily. “I love you too, Lena Luthor.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gay. we're all gay. hope you enjoyed, comments and feedback are appreciated. come yell at me on tumblr [@bezziemateys](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bezziemateys)


End file.
